The Pope is a Big Wet Douche

Am I the only one who sees this obvious truth?

The Pope has to be the biggest, wettest douche in mankind's history. I don't see what the Jesusdamn deal is with Catholics worshipping this guy anyway. He's a guy. A freaking man. If he wants to be a holy father, he needs to stop whining about his stomach hurting and start striking down some bitches. You know, that good old "Go to hell" Catholic spirit. Trading in his little white hat and golden chair for some good ol' fashioned mayhem toys. I've always longed to see The Pope holding a bazooka or driving a tank. Freaking Pope Patton. That kind of Jesusness could not be topped.

Instead, The Pope sits in his chair with his little white hat and blubbers out "holy" words. If you were God's right hand man, you'd be The Popeinator. You're in a chair with Parkinson's and bad kidneys. God really does love you Pope. What a douche. You've been an icon for centuries. You're the so-called Holy Father. But then again, this is coming from the same source that said Earth is the center of the universe, the sun revolves around Earth, Earth is flat, and that Rome is the center of Earth. What a sloppy douche.

Maybe I could wear a little white hat and drive around in a golf cart with Tupperware covering. I could be a star. But instead of telling people that they will go to hell for eating popcorn with too much butter, I'll just go out and wipe out who I think should go to hell. I'll just cut out the whole "God" process and take care of it myself. I'll just call myself Saul the Great. That is, after all, what the big wet douche known as The Pope is to Catholic nation.

God cares about his people, Pope. He has cared about his people even when you were telling them the Earth was flat. But instead of telling people what movies to watch or how big of a halo you have hanging in your pants, you should have just pulled some Pope justice. Someone doing something you don't like? Blunt object to the head. Someone saying something you don't like? Off with their tongue. But never, ever call yourself The Holy Father, Mr. Pope. I thank God every day that I was not born a Catholic. Otherwise, I couldn't eat pizza for breakfast, watch porn, drive fast, or most importantly, think for myself. You play God and you do it poorly. This is exactly why you, The Pope, are a big wet douche.

Until next time,
-brain

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