Grand Vision

Welcome to The Apple Cantina my friends. I will be your narrator throughout this journey. For those of you that know my voice, I say hello and enjoy. For those of you that are new to my dementia, all I can say is this: fuck Maddox.

So yesterday, while chatting it up with Miggles and S10, I had a great vision. It was a vision that gives men internal ejaculations. I know this, because I had one. So let me reveal to you my next project. I take it you all have heard of (or have done dirty things while watching) BangBus. It's the happy family site where "random" women (and sometimes men) are picked up off the street and asked if they would do naughty things for money. Being the internet and all, they always say yes. I mean, I would say yes too if someone had a camera in my face. The ten dollar bill is just a bonus.

Anyway, you get the point.

My big project takes this idea and expands it to great lengths. Starting today, work will begin on BangChair. The porn site for crips and their chairs. What we will do is take our favorite handicapped friends and get them a little somethin-somethin. Every week, we take one crip and put him/her in our 1992 Astro van. Then, we go cruising the streets of Boise in search of our sexy little crip lover.

We already have our first two episodes lined up. Episode 1 will be called A Brief History of Boise. In this episode, Stephen Hawking will join us in the Astro van in search of some hot and spicy Boise action. We've talked to him and he has his "Oh" voice going. He gave us a sample that went something like "Oh baby. baby. Do you like my quantum thrust?" The computer voice made it sound unreal. We look forward to working with him.

Our second episode has Terri Schiavo booked, but that is subject to change. We are continuing to fight the injustices being performed in Florida against Terri. We can only hope the courts will come around and do the right thing for Terri. We look forward to having her.

Later down the road, we hope to book a Terri on Stephen episode. We know you guys will be looking forward to that. Also, we are in talks with Starbucks and Target about holding a BangChair tour. When BangChair visits your city and its local Starbucks or Target, bring down the crips and we'll feature them in what we liked to call "chairsomes."

Until next time,
-brain